To me this chapter seems at it's core to be about dealing with deeply felt self criticism: a. shame b. internalizing the criticism of others.
The chapter starts with Anger, and urges us to see anger as a MAP. She tells us that we don't need to act out the anger, but rather let the anger show us what is important and make changes based on that.
The next section is about Synchronicity: which really boils down to the ideas of: a. faith/trust b. framing our view of positive events as the result of our good works. This is my view as a skeptic, but I still see the usefulness in this framing of connection - the idea that good things come to us as we reach out for them. A word I would bring to this is "intention". And I am inspired to try to make an evening ritual of "prayer" (which is not normal for me) or "meditating on intentions" (the same thing) in this spirit of cultivating this synchronicity.
Shame is the next section - and as I said above, I think that's the main thrust of this chapter, and where everything is pointing to. A framing Cameron offers which I find very useful, is that our art actually displays and airs out topics of shame! The other idea that current shame can re-trigger old shame from our past. And that combined with the act of healing shame through artistic acts is very cool and quite useful to me. Personally I identify an unstated but felt energy of shame and holding back from my parents - though they supported my music financially in terms of education (private lessons, camps and university) they never supported my achievements there, and never gave inspiration or pushes for me to create a career or livelihood - rather they focussed on "fallback career", and I identify a projected sense of shame and abandonment from my father. Like his own insecurities about himself projected onto me.
"By sharing our shame secrets around our art and telling them through our art, we release ourselves and others from darkness. This release is not always welcomed."
The examples of shame in this chapter are from our days as a young artist: family, mentors, peers. And from criticisms from professionals and our friends and colleagues.
I enjoyed answering the list of the Detective Work, an Exercise.
And she finishes the prose of the chapter by suggesting to us to do one nice/kind thing for ourselves each day, as well as check in with ourselves and be kind to ourselves in that self awareness time.
The tasks for this chapter are about remembering ourselves in our childhood and our impulses/truths then, looking at our habits and our friends and community who are nurturing, inspiring, good for us.
Check in week 3: I did morning pages only 3 out of the 7 days, we had the gigantic dumpster here this week and that was a huge priority getting it filled, which I did. Creativity in this avenue of remodelling is very much manifesting as capitlistic realities: what decisions for a robust and sturdy environment for renters, can I put another rental property on this land I have? There's creativity in these pursuits for sure: economic opportunities, engineering/functionality intersecting with spacial comfort. But is it art? Nope. And that's okay...we are moving forward.
My artist date was interesting: I stayed for the opener Alicia Creti, and left two songs into the main act. I felt sated, full, of music. Alicia played piano and sang, and her voice was huge, her chords were interesting, and she musicianship between her vocal rhtyhm and piano accompaniment was not only great and moving, but impressive. She's an artist originally from Montreal! For the main act the space got so crowded, and I just felt like I had enough art for the evening - kinda like when you go to a museum, and you're like "okay I've seen enough, I can't really take any more art". And so that was cool.
I did my morning pages every day. Some days were filled with anxiety. Some days were filled with praise. I enjoy looking back at older writings to see what I was worrying about or excited about.
I did my artist's date at Yenney's! Finally. It was fun. I just felt like I was treating myself. Especially when I got the apple crisp. It was delicious.
I got a lot of practice in. I think I'm in an ugly duckling phase. I'm working on so many etude type things, but today I tried soloing in some different keys with success! Sometimes it's hard to measure progress, but when I have a moment like that, it really feeds my desire to do these tasks.
I did the writings every day and I did the tasks I outlined each day. I did not do the Artist's Date. I accomplished everything else with some interesting take aways so I'll call it a success.
Week 3: Did the writings 7/7 and the tasks. Went to exhibit of a book illustrator from Milwaukee. Also the zoom and accordion event. It was a crowded restaurant, lots of noise and small stage. I would not want to have played it, but he enjoyed it. Very nice to be out with good friends.
I’m going to a “supper club” (Midwest thing) which is featuring a local accordion player and “old fashioneds” (classic Wisconsin cocktail, not for me!). Won’t be the artist date because I am going with my wife and a couple friends (who love accordion music).
I'm not sure what I'll do for the Artist's Date this week. I have a couple things in mind. I hope I can complete this goal. Here's my schedule for the week. I might end up moving the order around but this is what I've mapped out.
Wednesday - Childhood room
Thursday - Five traits as a child
Friday - Five childhood accomplishments
Saturday - Habits
Sunday - Inner Compass and
Monday - People I admire
I'm really going to try to do an artist's date this week. Keep it simple: I'm going to Denny's!! I swear
Wednesday: no. 1 Describe my childhood room
Thursday: no. 4 List habits
Friday: no. 5 List friends who nuture me
Saturday: no. 7 Inner compass
Sunday: no 8. List people I admire
Monday: no 9 and 10 List people I want to meet who are dead and compare the lists
My schedule for this week
Artist Date friday night at Pappy and Harriet's to see the singer Gallant concert
wednesday: nos 1, 2 describe childroom room, list five traits I like in childhood self
thursday: no 3 five childhood accomplishments
friday: 4. habits (and artist date at night)
saturday: inner compass
sunday: taking the day off (gotta work ATG event)
monday nos. 8, 9 list and compare 5 people I admire and who are dead